We’ve all been on the receiving end of parenting advice…both the good, the bad, the unsolicated. Have you ever been standing there being given some good ‘ole parenting advice and your eyeballs are practically falling out of your head because you are rolling them too much?

Yeah, me too.

I decided to collect some of the best worst parenting advice from some of my wisest friends.

Baby and mother sleeping together in bed

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Ok, I will admit that on the surface this advice is excellent. What new mom (or an old timer like me) wouldn’t want to sleep when the kids are sleeping. But we all know that doesn’t happen. Because there is laundry to be done. And dinner to be made. And a shower to be taken. Which leads me to this gem…

Don’t nap when the baby naps. That’s the time when you can get all of your stuff done. So which is it? Should I nap? Shouldn’t I nap? Which is more important: my sanity or the appearance of my house?

Just put him in his carseat out on the porch, it will help air out his lungs. Air out his lungs? What exactly does that mean? I am sure no one will find anything wrong with you sticking your newborn in his carseat on the porch IN THE DEAD OF WINTER because you need to air his lungs out (whatever the hell that means).

Just let your kids do what they want, they will learn right and wrong on their own. Right, just like they will learn how to clean up after themselves or eat all their dinner or brush their teeth. Just let them do what they want…said no parent ever.

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Just let them cry. It’s good for their lungs. Everyone and their mothers must have become doctors when I was busy trying to get my screaming baby to quiet down. Because the last time I checked, screaming and crying made my lungs feel fan-freaking-tastic. We should all do it every now and again.

You’re gonna have to toughen up your nipples. How about you leave me and my nipples alone? We are pretty tough as it is.

Let him stay up later and he will sleep longer. Letting him stay up later means I have to stay up later. Do you see the flaw in that logic? Oh and it never works. He will get up even earlier. Never fails.

We didn’t use car seats when you were a kid.  You also let us play on semi-lethal metal playgrounds and didn’t slather us with sunscreen. But you know what’s different between now and then? We know better.

woman cleaning staircase and looking exhausted

Clean your house every night after the kids go to bed. Yeah, I’ll get right on that one. Because after my kids go to bed, I can guarentee you I will be right behind them. Those kids are exhausting. The house can wait…it’s not going anywhere.

Don’t hold them while they sleep, they will get spoiled. Or it’s sister advice. The baby is just manipulating you with their crying. They just want to be held, there’s nothing really wrongI mean really, those manipulative spoiled babies! Who the heck do they think they are being all cute when they are sleeping or crying to get my attention? How dare they!

When your child bites, bite them back. Yeah, I tried that one. I was desperate. You know what I got in return? My child telling everyone that Mommy bit him. Try explaining that one.

It’s normal for boys to not talk as early as girls. You are overreacting. You know what? You’re not. If every mother listened to what other people thought about their children, there would be a ton of kids struggling with speech, learning, and social skills. Bottom line: If you think something’s wrong with your kid, go with your gut. If you don’t get the answer you want to hear from the doctor, find another doctor. There’s a reason why it’s called mother’s intution.

So I wanna know, what’s the worst parenting advice you ever received?

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