It is amazing where my mind travels when I am up early in the morning feeding the baby. Last week, I flipped on the television and was looking for something to pass the time. One of my all time favorite movies was on {American Beauty}. That movie does it to me every single time. I can’t look away. I have to watch it until the end.

Because the end is the best part.

Because the end is the inspiration that strikes me every single time.

Because the end has become my beginning.

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday. 

I can admit that I am high strung at times. I can admit that I obsess over things that I really shouldn’t obsess over. I can admit that I am missing out on some things in my stupid little life.

There are too many things that I find myself worrying about and then there are things that I should be worrying about but I’m not. At times, my priorities are skewed. And it pisses me off when I do it. It pisses me off that, at that time, I can’t feel the gratitude.

When it’s obvious to me that I have let things go too far {or perhaps not far enough} that is when I stop. Relax. Re-evaluate. Re-assess. And remember.

It helps me remember… and I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.  

It is amazing how things work. I really needed that reminder last week.

I really needed the reminder to stop and take in the beauty…

…to feel gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…

…to let my heart fill up like a balloon until it’s about to burst…

…until it feels like I can’t take it…

…until it feels like it’s going to cave in.

I’m not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn’t always feel this… sedated. But you know what? It’s never too late to get it back. 

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