I’ve had the feeling of wanting to run away for quite some time. As the days and weeks go on, that feeling is getting stronger and stronger.

And it scares the shit out of me.

It can’t possibly be creeping up already, can it?

It’s only supposed to happen afterwards.

Then why do I feel this now.

At this point in time, I really dislike the person I am becoming. Is it me? Or is it something else? Sure, some will say its hormones. It’s normal for a pregnant woman to be irrational and cry at the drop of the hat.

But this…this just doesn’t feel right to me.

I am tired.

I am negative.

I want to get away.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband. I love my sons.

It’s me I don’t love.

I refuse to allow another birth and another baby’s precious first few weeks be ruined. I refuse to let it win. I refuse to let it define who I am and take over my life. I let it happen once before and I’ll be damned if I let it happen again. 

Is it me? Is this the person that I am supposed to be?

Or is it something else?

Whatever it is, I don’t like it. And I am going to do something about it.

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