Last week, my good friend, Kelly (aka the World’s Worst Blogger), became an “Auntie.” She was putting together a gift basket for the new mommy and asked me for help in writing a “Top Ten” list of things all new moms should know.

I think we did good, kid.

1. Always trust your mommy gut – even if its in a state that you are not especially pleased with.

2. Never say never, at least not out loud. Because when you decide that your toddler does need a leash or you declare that you will only feed the baby organic foods, you’ll look like a real jackass when you are teaching them to heal while they scarf down chicken nuggets.

3. Kiss those tiny baby toes as often as you can. They will never be as tiny as they are at this moment. Same goes for the fingers, ears, elbows, knees and those two little butt dimples (after a bath, of course).

4. Even if you are exhausted to the point of running away from home, try to cherish the midnight, 2am, 3am, and 4am feedings. You will treasure those moments more than you could ever realize and you will miss them terribly 2 years from now.

5. At some point, you might want to run away from home because of those cherished 2,3 and 4am feedings. You might even feel this way several times a week. Dont panic, just pick up the phone and call me. Take the help and dont feel guilty about it for even a second.

6. If some one offers help, take it. Let some one else vacuum, make you dinner, clean your bathroom. Then hide away in your bedroom and snuggle with that baby! Dont be an idiot like me that has to show everyone that I can handle it all on my own.

7. Just when you think you’ve run out of patience, your surplus will kick in. This applies to your baby and your husband. πŸ˜‰

8. Its ok to say no to visitors. Also, babies are the ultimate excuse. You can get out of practically any event by claiming a runny nose.

9. Let that baby wander around the house butt naked once in a while. There is nothing cuter than a naked tooshie. Dont sweat the poop and pee – thats what stain remover is for πŸ˜‰

10. Just because your mom did it doesnt mean you should let her pressure you into doing it. I mean really, this is the same generation that used laundry baskets as car seats and put whiskey on our gums.

And two more for good measure!

11. You will feel more joy than you have ever felt before. You will also feel more guilt than you ever thought was possible. Kill it with fire….or anti-depressants. Whatever is most effective. Oh and the occasional margarita with me. Pump and dump baby!

12. Most importantly, try to enjoy every moment. It will be stressful, painful, life and mind altering. At times it will suck a lot. But a kiss and hug from your child will make it all worth it – even if they throw up down your back.

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